Waiting! Waiting to see if the borders open. Waiting for covid to end and life to go back to somewhat normal. Waiting…
I am not good at waiting. As spontaneous as I am, I am uncomfortable not being able to plan. Not being able to pick where I am going next. Not knowing when I can go back to showers in gyms or live my nomad life.
I think that’s the hardest thing about all of this. The not knowing what is coming next.
Life is difficult right now. Not just with the shut downs but also of the fear of the people. Driving an RV people look at you as if your traveling even when you are in your own town. I can not wear a mask but I do try to wear a shield. Not for my protection of the virus but for fear if I do not I will be assaulted. It is a hard way to live not knowing if I go into a store for milk will I come out and be punched? Walking on eggshells hoping not to upset the apple cart. If I am not in a store for long I can keep the shield on but if there is a long line or it is busy I have had to leave the store or go to the bathroom to take it off so I can breathe. I know it is hard for others to understand and I so try to be patient with people. I try to be understanding of their fear even though I do not feel it. I so wish others would be understanding of me. There are others like me. Those of us for medical reasons can not wear a mask. I know people that will not even go out! Not for fear of a virus but for fear of others judgment and retribution of their perception of them not wearing a mask. Masks here were mandated in March, it is now November. Can you imagine being in your house, even if it is a brick and mortar house for that long??? That is 8 months!!! Now take away that brick and mortar house with the backyard and move it down to an apartment, maybe you have a balcony, now move that down to a van. That is what was asked of me at the beginning. People told me I should not go out. I should not live and I should feel terrible that I want to. Even people that I thought were my friends turned. It was like all the good things I have done in my life did not matter. I had to defend myself to people that I thought would understand. I was a terrible person for just wanting to go get milk.
Today I was threatened with violence. I will tell you I will not back down. As afraid as I am I will not be bullied!! Not to mention I was outside. I am on my own. There is no one to go to the store for me or run my errands. There is no one to protect me from the crazy this world has become. The only one I have is me. I am ok with that.
Unfortunately fear makes people do and say things that they would not normally do. I do try to understand but my patience is wearing thin. I keep a wide berth of people. I follow the arrows and the signs. I am a considerate and polite person and frankly I refuse to allow others to make me into something I am not. After all I have to look me in eye every morning and in the words of my Dad “you better make sure you can do that and be comfortable with who you are”.
I talk about going south to be warm but also there are people I care about very much over in the US. I miss them incredibly. What if something happens and I never get to hug them again?? Time is a precious thing. We are only here for so long.
So making the best of it with time with my kids and my grandkids and my friends. Finishing my book and working on some freelance projects. Finally having all my pension paperwork! Oh Boy!! 🙄 Getting my van ready for another long winter with my fingers crossed that soon I will be on the road again.
I am asking all to please be patient with others. You have no idea the life they are living, what they are struggling with and what their fears are.
Thanks for coming along on my Chipmunk Adventure!
See you next time!
🐿